


this is what we do (because this is who we are)

by dreamsheartstory



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8172797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsheartstory/pseuds/dreamsheartstory
Summary: Raven just needs a friend when she meets Anya so that's what they become, but they're clearly destined for so much more.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LadyVictory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyVictory/gifts).



> aka
> 
> The AU of my [AU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6258007/chapters/14339314) \- anything through chapter 14 of _And Four Makes Home_ except the present day is considered canon for this fic (note Raven doesn't show up until chapter 12, so basically just chapters 12  & 14 as far as Raven/Anya interactions are concerned). But it's also completely not required to read any of AFMH to follow this fic.
> 
> also this is wholly unedited because I started writing this months ago for V and keep promising and not delivering. This exists because of them side eyeing me during the initial Raven/Anya scene in AFMH.

It’s not like Anya hated the idea of settling down with someone, it’s just that she’d never felt the need to. She’d never wanted to wake up next to someone, wanted to have them in her arms, someone, yes, someday… but never the one she had.

So when she’s wearing frumpy workout clothes and is covered in drying sweat from a day of moving boxes and feeling like the last thing anyone would want she doesn’t think anything of the tug in her gut when her sister’s girlfriend’s brother’s friend smiles at her in front of floor to ceiling windows backed by the sunset, gold tendrils wrapping around her like a magic halo.

It’s just the image, a stunning girl against a stunning backdrop, and that’s why there’s the familiar want. Still, Anya gets what she wants and right now she wants Raven Reyes. And if Raven is smiling at her like that after a day like this, when she looks like hell, getting her should be a breeze.

“I can’t believe your sister is giving up this view.” Raven whispers. She traces her fingertips along the glass, outlining the city beyond.

Anya leans up against one of the beams between the panels of glass, just behind Raven, close enough to touch, but she waits.

“People have done stranger things,” she doesn’t finish the thought.  _ For love _ . She thinks. That’s not her secret to tell. “Though I do have to say, that view isn’t the prettiest thing in the room.”

Raven turns at that, lips parted, curious.

Anya raises her eyebrow, flirtatious, inviting, hopeful. Her teeth tug at her bottom lip.

She watches emotions flutter behind a carefully guarded mask. Raven’s face remains impassive, but open, a smirk on her lips, but there’s a pause as she doesn’t reply, as Anya sees the hesitation and fear in her eyes, want conflicted with pain. It’s that last that keeps Anya from pushing forward. 

Raven presses a hand to Anya’s shoulder, whether to hold her back or to keep herself from closing any distance between them is unclear. 

“I’m just - I broke up with my ex two months ago and I’m not ready for anything yet.” She looks away before she finishes, as if the truth isn’t complete, but it’s enough.

Anya reaches up and strokes Raven’s cheek, she doesn’t know her well enough to ask, but she’s compelled to keep reaching out. Her heart fluttering and needing to know that the beautiful woman in front of her will be okay.

“Sounds like you could use a distraction.” Sex she can offer. It’s easy and uncomplicated.

“I could use a friend.” Raven takes a half step back and Anya lets her hand fall. Friendship is so much messier.

“Alright then, shall we finish poking around and make sure my lil’ sis didn’t forget anything?” Anya moves across the empty living room toward the bedroom, needing the distance.

“Just like that?” Raven’s voice is soft and confused.

Anya laughs and turns, “Like what, little bird?” the nickname falls from her lips and she wants to take it back, knowing it’s too much too soon. They’ve known each other for two days and she wonders how much longer it will take for this girl to turn her life completely upside down. 

“You’re seriously just cool with me turning you down?”

Anya crosses back to Raven but stops herself short of reaching out or pulling wrapping her arms around her. Too much, too soon. “I mean, you’re hot, but if you’re not down, you’re not down.” She searches Raven’s face for a change of heart and when she finds none her own heart drops. It’s unusual for her to feel this level of disappointment at a refusal. Leaning forward she kisses Raven’s cheek softly. “Doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind later, but something tells me you won’t.”

She winks and drags her finger along the underside of Raven’s jaw before turning and walking away, hoping all the while her smile isn’t as sad as it feels. Raven’s laughter twists around her and she can’t decide if it’s the best or worst thing she’s ever heard.

#  **____________________**

 

Sixth months later and Raven is nearly certain she spends more time in Anya’s apartment than she does her own, sprawled out on the cream colored couch, alternately scribbling down notes for projects and making sure Anya stays fed. There’s an ease between them that never goes farther than late night talks and the occasional pillow to the face. She’s watched Anya open up in front of her.

She’s learned how to see the mask slip in and out of place, word choice, tone of voice. She knows when Anya is being honest and when she’s using her honesty like a shield. Raven’s fairly certain she knows Anya better than anyone she’s ever taken to her bed, and there have been many lovers over the past few months.

There’s a pattern that she doesn’t want to acknowledge. How the closer they get the more nights Anya spends in someone else’s arms. Still, it isn’t her place to say anything. They shut that door a long time ago. Even if they keep knocking up against it.

Anya glances over at Raven looking at her upside down from where she’s laying on the other end of the couch, legs dangling over the armrest. The light filtering in the windows is softened by the high clouds and the afternoon is peaceful. Raven wants to capture this forever. Anya smiling, drowsy, looking at her like maybe there’s something between them.

She shakes her head to clear it before the thought pulls her down. She may be falling in love with her best friend, but that doesn’t mean anything will ever happen. Anya doesn’t do relationships, and Raven could never push her to.

Raven leans back against the couch, head heavy against the soft material, and watches Anya watching her. "I had a thought earlier-" 

“-I hope it wasn’t a strain.”

Raven smacks Anya’s shoulder with her hand, “I had a thought- you and I should team up and work on designs for the prosthetics - because they should be more than just functional. But also, you should help me with one for Clarke’s show. We’re all going to be dressed to the nines - I just have more accessory options than most people.”

“That could be a lot of fun.” 

Anya scootches closer to Raven so the top of her head hits Raven’s thigh. Raven tries to ignore the surge that rushes through her. Anya doesn’t do casual touch with many people. Lexa is usually the only one she hugs, the only one she’ll curl up on the couch with. But Anya is shifting. Lately there’s been moments, a touch here, a touch there, a hug goodnight, and now she’s moving, rearranging herself, so her head is nearly in Raven’s lap. Maybe the only thing keeping it out is Raven’s laptop, which she moves and sets aside. Her body on fire and heart fluttering, because she wants to reach out to Anya and touch her, twine their fingers and just be close. She would be happy with that.

Raven swallows because she knows it isn’t in the cards. This isn’t what they do. 

“What did you have in mind, little bird?” Anya’s voice breaks through her thoughts, the nickname twisting around her heart warm and comforting and squeezing just this side of too tight. As she starts to explain she tries not to think about how Anya’s allowed Raven’s hand to fall to her bare shoulder and rub small circles with her thumb without a single word.

This is what friends do, right? It has to be because that’s all they’re going to be.

#  **____________________**

 

They’ve got nine people crammed into a small corner booth meant for six, maybe seven. It’s a good thing they’re all friends. Monty and Jasper have pulled up chairs to the open edge of the table. Niylah is the first in the booth, the Clarke, Lincoln, Octavia, Anya, Raven, and then Lexa. Normally Raven would ask for the outside edge but Lexa, Octavia, and Clarke are being adamant about keeping their relationship a secret, and apparently the way to do that is to not sit next to each other. By the end of dinner Raven’s practically half in Anya’s lap. Not that she’s complaining. Okay, maybe a little bit of complaining.

She’s also been trying to ignore the look Lexa’s been giving the two of them all throughout dinner. The last thing she wants to do is unpack what a bad idea this all is at dinner with everyone. Doesn't mean she's going to stop. It feels nice to be physically close to someone again, even just a friend. 

“So that weekend who can help out getting the gallery prepped?” Clarke gestures with a French fry around the table. “I'm going to need help with hanging some of the larger pieces.”

There's a smattering of yeses around the table. Anya says she’ll be there and nudges Raven, a small press of her hand on the small of Raven’s back where her shirt has ridden up. The touch is like an electric shock and she bangs her knee on the table. 

“I'll be there,” Raven says, trying to cover up the blush creeping across her cheeks and chest. 

“You guys are great.” Clarke grins. 

Raven doesn't miss the look Clarke exchanges with Octavia and then with Lexa. There's something guarded but lascivious in it. But then Lexa is looking at Raven and behind her at Anya’s hand still resting on the small of her back. Raven turns back to the group. If she looks at Lexa she'll have to think about how this means more to her than it does to Anya. 

If she looks at Lexa she'll have to admit that she's feeling more than friendship for Anya, knowing full well that isn't a road she gets to go down. 

“What's the gameplan?” Raven asks. 

“Most of the paintings are at the gallery but we need to get a truck for the last few.” Clarke replies. “Then we need to get everything hung.”

“Don't forget you need to swing by this week and pick up your clothes for the show. The tailor dropped things off last night.” Anya tosses a balled up napkin at Clarke, “Also, you're going to need double sided tape, did you pick some up?”

Clarke shakes her head. 

“She can borrow mine,” Lexa offers. 

“Well, as long as she has some, otherwise it'll end up being a whole different kind of show.”

“I mean, I can't see why anyone would complain about that,” Niylah laughs. 

Anya snorts, it's more of a full body exhalation, and Raven is certain she's the only one that notices. How could she not notice? Not when Anya leans forward so her torso presses against Raven’s arm. When that slightest brush brings all the feelings she's fighting to the surface. 

If she had been on the edge of the booth she would slip out, take a step away from the press of friends and emotions, maybe get outside and take in a breath of fresh air. But as it is she's trapped between Lexa and Anya but there's nowhere to go but into her own head and face the reality of being in her skin right now. 

Which is, unfortunately, yearning to be touched again even as it breaks her heart.

#  **____________________**

 

Anya glances over the edge of her glass, her fingers wrapping lightly around the straw, as she taps it gently between her teeth and watches Raven at the other end of the bar. Raven who is watching her, and has been watching her for the past hour. The whole group, and then some, had been out to celebrate Kane finally asking Clarke to have her own solo show after she’d been filling up empty space in the gallery she practically ran for him. Now though, it was just the two of them, Lexa, Clarke, and Octavia finally slipping out to go finish celebrating in private.

Raven shrugs as their eyes meet. They've played at this: incessantly flirting without expectation and tonight has been no exception. Anya's never pressed since that first day they met and Raven turned her down, but that was months ago and there's something in the way Raven looks at her lately that's changed. It’s probably just wishful thinking.

It's in the subtle tilt of her head when she thinks no one is looking. The way her eyes soften when she thinks Anya won't notice. Her inclination to leave herself set up for the easy joke because she'll know Anya will take it. The way Raven drops hints that maybe, this time, she wouldn't say no.

Things have changed since then. Raven’s stalker is gone, held firmly at bay by a restraining order and a short stint in jail. She’s about ready to turn in paperwork for a company producing open software prosthetic pieces using 3D printers. She’s found herself again.

Anya realizes she's been staring too long when Raven shakes her head and laughs. Realizes that every thought she's having is running across her face, because Raven can read her like a book. They don't need words any more. The thought flutters in her breast and she downs the rest of her drink trying to drown it out.

She doesn't do feelings.

She  _ hasn't _ done feelings she corrects herself. Rarely found anyone that made her turn her head like that. Cared for people, sure, enjoyed their company, taken them to bed time and time again, considered them some kind of equal... all those things. She can count on one hand the number of people she loves and none of them romantically. 

Anya perches on the edge of the barstool and orders another round of drinks.

No one makes her heart ache like this. Full of yearning and need. She's a powerful fashion mogul, and no one should have that kind of power over her. Still, the potential tussle in bed doesn’t mean that feelings will be reciprocated, or even acknowledged. Better to leave things like that for sober musings, instead of relying on alcohol induced lust.

She doesn’t want anyone else in her bed tonight except for Raven, and how much she wants her is all she can think about.

Anya doesn't have to look up to know that it's Raven that's pulled a barstool close and settled in nearly close enough to touch. But she tilts her head and looks up all the same, melting as she meets dark amber eyes, laugh lines just barely starting to crinkle at the corner. Raven's hair is pulled straight and tight in a high ponytail and the smirk on her lips is infuriating.

It’s like she knows.

The bartender returns with two drinks and Anya passes the second to Raven.

"Bold, Woods." Raven takes the glass and clinks it with Anya's before sipping at the liquid.

"You came over here though, didn't you?" Anya raises an eyebrow and sips at her drink through the straw.

Raven leans back against the bar, propped up on her elbows, and looks to Anya. "Touché. However, if you’ll look around, we’re the only ones left."

“Did you really want to watch those three get even more frustrated and flustered than they already were?”

“Lexa was about to break,” Raven laughs.

“Ten bucks says she did once they got in the cab.”

“I really don’t need to know how much my friends are getting laid when I’m not.” Raven sticks her tongue out at Anya.

“Oh come on, Reyes, you could have nearly anyone in this bar.” Anya nudges her with her knee. 

“Anyone, huh?” Raven shrugs and sips at her drink again looking out over the packed room, none of them are who she wants because none of them are Anya. It's nearly last call. She turns her head slowly, and looks over Anya, "So what's it gonna be?"

The desire to reach out and touch Raven is overwhelming, but she doesn’t. It would be smarter to get home and text one of her paramours, didn’t run the risk of an emotional mess, but it isn’t any of them that she wants. "Don't you already know?" She feels desperate and the more she feels that the more she pulls back. This is just like any other night, it will end like any other night. Anya tilts her head, but there’s little change in the tone of her voice, she could easily be discussing their typical post-bar plans as she could the potential hookup that seems to be hanging electric in the air between them.

Anya doesn't miss the way Raven's shoulders deflate slightly, but there's no change in the tone of her voice, playful, assured. "You, me, pouring ourselves in the back of a cab, hoping we don't forget our wallets. Me, passing out on your couch which is not nearly as comfortable as it should be for what you paid for it." She grins at Anya and Anya rolls her eyes in return.

Her heart starts pounding in her chest, and it takes her aback, because she doesn't get nervous inviting someone to her bed. She has no qualms taking someone home when she doesn't want to be alone. No problem calling up one of her paramours late at night. It doesn't bother her when someone refuses. There will always be another that says yes.

She leans forward, her hand falling to Raven's thigh, higher than it should be, but she doesn't want to lean on the socket of Raven's prosthesis, knowing the discomfort she's seen in the other woman's eyes when someone touches it. She brushes her thumb across Raven's thigh and sets her drink on the bar as she meets Raven's gaze. "Maybe you should sleep in my bed tonight, see if it's more to your liking."

Raven glances down at Anya's hand and back up, her eyes searching, even as she keeps up the bravado. "You think it's going to be that easy do you? A drink, a touch, and I'm just going to -"

Anya closes what's left of the distance between them and presses a messy, but chaste kiss to Raven's lips. Raven tastes like expensive whiskey, smoky and earthy and perfectly aged, and Anya wants to savor her like the delicacy that she is. It’s stupid and foolish and she’s afraid to end it to find out where it leaves them. So she puts on her pride like armor and smirks as she pulls back. "I do." Sliding off the barstool she offers her hand to Raven who is staring at her dumbstruck. "So what's it going to be, couch or bed, little bird?"

Raven’s heart melts at the nickname and takes Anya’s hand even as she continues to verbally debate her decision, "Do I still get breakfast in the morning?"

"Chocolate chip waffles. Maple syrup." Anya replies as she pulls Raven through the crowd. "Like I could forget what you want after a night of drinking." She twines her fingers with Raven's as they press out into the cold night air. "So what's it going to be?" Anya turns, and spins Raven. They crash against each other, tipsy and giggling. Anya’s arm is around Raven’s waist, Raven’s around Anya’s neck. She holds her close, feeling the rapid way Raven’s heart beats, and tilts her head closer, they could kiss again, it would be easy enough, but if this is just for tonight, she wants Raven wanting, not knowing how much Anya needs this.

It’s amazing what a bit of false courage will afford you. She can almost pretend that this is real, and not an intoxicated mistake.

"Don't you already know?" Raven echoes and before Anya can reply Raven is kissing her. _ And Raven is kissing her _ and her heart aches with it. She never imagined someone’s lips could be this soft.

Anya isn’t sure who takes the kiss further, whose tongue darts out and asks to make this more. All she knows is that her resolve to keep her heart locked up is crumbling harder than her resolve to take this slow.

Her hand slips under Raven’s shirt.

Raven tries not to think about how long she’s waited for this kiss. How many months she’s felt ready to move on, but she’d been afraid she’d missed her chance. Even still, she tries not to hold onto hope as Anya hails them a cab and tugs her into the back of it, hands never straying far from Raven’s skin, lighting it on fire. As much as they both want this Raven doesn’t let herself believe it’s for more than just tonight.

In the back of the cab Raven sits in the middle, pressed shoulder to knee against Anya whose hand is high up on Raven’s thigh, fingertips caressing the inner seam of her jeans. She glances up at the cabby. He’s watching the road and not them. Raven presses her face to Anya’s neck, and nips at her neck, her hand coming up to cup Anya’s jaw and hold her in place.

She doesn’t care if her actions gain them an audience. Anya finally did what she wished she had done last summer when they met, the one thing she hasn’t had the courage to do, to close that distance between them. And they’ve been so close before, bodies pressed together on the dance floor, confusing their friends, themselves, and everyone else, as every part of them touches but their lips. Raven knows how her hands fit on Anya’s hips but her mouth is uncharted territory.

Anya closes her eyes, letting Raven kiss along her neck. Her hand reaching out to tug Raven’s leg across her lap. If they’re not careful they’re going to give the cabbie more of a show than they want. Raven pulls a moan from her with a well placed scrape of teeth.

It would be easy to take slip a hand between them, search out the building heat between Raven’s legs but she doesn't want their first time to be quick and dirty in the back of a cab with some voyeur eyeing them through the smudged glass of his rear view mirror. Anya fights to keep the hope at bay, that this might be more than once. That this might be more than two lonely friends crashing together. 

“Careful there, Reyes.” Anya pecks Raven’s lips and regards her through heavily lidded eyes. She drags a finger down Raven’s cheek and across Raven’s bottom lip. “Let me get you home first.”

Raven nips at Anya’s finger. “Got plans for me already do you?”

Anya leans over and whispers against Raven’s ear, “Yes and they involve laying you out in bed and worshipping you like the goddess that you are.” She looks up at Raven through half lidded eyes, knowing she’s already asked them to go further than he ever thought they would but if she only gets one night with Raven she isn’t going to hold back.

The blush that creeps over Raven’s cheeks is hot, even over the warmth from the alcohol running through her veins. She’s never seen Anya like this, never. Then again, she’s never been in a position to have Anya looking at her like this.

She holds Anya’s face gently between her hands, the rush, the pretext that this might be just them scratching a long coming itch, gone. The kiss is gentle in a way none of the ones preceding it had been, and she ignores the voice of doubt in the back of her mind, trying instead to ride the hope and need coursing through her. Lips gently part, nipping lightly, easing into the kiss with trepidation. 

The cab driver clears his throat and Raven realizes that they stopped moving. Anya slips him her credit card and they’re tumbling out of the car and back into the cold night air. The moment in the cab broken and Raven wraps her arms around herself to keep out the chill that runs down her spine that has nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with the doubt that this is anything more than a tumble in bed that settles back over her.

Anya leads them into her building, past the doorman and the security guard and up to her floor. There’s a heaviness that follows them into the elevator, the heat and the rush in the cab is gone. She tries not to think how far her heart will sink if Raven is having second thoughts. Still, they’re nearly pressed close as Anya lets them into her apartment, only lit by the city lights below.

Coats and shoes are put aside, quietly, calmly, and this is nothing like any tryst Anya has ever had. The energy between them is first kiss nervous.

Anya stops them before the step into the hallway, it feels like a point of no return. She reaches out for Raven, “If you changed your mind, we don’t have to… I can make up the couch, and we can forget about the whole thing.” Her heart is in her throat and she knows she’ll never be able to say what this night will have mean to her, but at least, for a moment she’ll be able to pretend that Raven is hers.

Raven presses her hands to Anya’s hips and walks her backwards slowly down the hallway. “Unless you have any objections, I’d like to see if your bed is any more comfortable.”

#  **____________________**

 

Raven inhales and scrunches her eyes closed as the morning sun spills in the wide open east facing window.  _ Fuck it's early.  _ And it isn't like she's been asleep all that long, the first rays of sun just starting to light up the sky when she had finally curled up and closed her eyes. 

Curled up on someone's chest. 

Curled up on  _ Anya's _ chest. 

Raven tries to sit up, she has to go, they were both drunk last night, and... now... shit. Now they're both naked. Her brain is a litany of curse words as arms tighten around her. 

She would never have taken Anya for someone to cuddle, but the protective cocoon she had slept in last night would beg to differ. And the way Anya's holding on, even as she sleeps... it would be endearing if this weren't going to be a disaster when Anya wakes up. 

Anya doesn't get close to anyone she takes to her bed. Only a few are ever invited back a second time, and then, it's no strings attached, physical gratification. 

Last night had been more than that to Raven. She was loathe to admit it but she had fallen hard and fast for the older Woods sister, and she hates the thought of losing her as a friend. Now she needs to do damage control, which starts with getting out of this bed and out of Anya's apartment - or at least to the couch, before Anya wakes up.

"If you do a runner on me, I might kill you, and it's too early for murder," Anya mutters against Raven's hair as she runs her fingers through it, the gesture is soft where her words are not. 

Raven doesn't know if she should relax or panic more. 

"I didn't know you were awake."

"For a while now." Anya nuzzles her nose into Raven's hair and Raven starts to relax bit by bit. 

Anya hasn't kicked her out. In fact she threatened her if she did leave, which is the opposite of what she expected. Last night had started out like normal. Up until Anya put her hand on Raven's thigh she thought she'd be on the couch again. 

"You twitch in your sleep."

"I'm sorry," Raven murmurs. "I didn't kick you did I?"

"No," Anya shakes her head, and Raven can hear a smile in her voice. "It's cute... but I didn't say that."

"Right, heard nothing." Raven wonders if she could go in for a kiss. She shifts and rolls to her side so she and Anya are face to face. How many nights had they shared a bed just talking, staying to their own sides... keeping their hands to themselves. Not that there weren't moments, but this...

Raven sucks in a breath and wonders where all her confidence went. If it really died after Wick left... or if it's because this is Anya, and they're naked, and they were drunk, and part of her is afraid Anya is going to decide it was a one time thing. She’s expecting Anya to decide it’s a one time thing. Her eyes flit over Anya's face the smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth, the way her dark brown eyes are warm and they crinkle at the corners. Her hair is beyond mussed and last night's makeup is smudged around the edges. 

She's afraid of the fluttering in her chest, the heat rising in her cheeks, and the aching need for this to not end. Raven realizes that the part of her she thought she locked up tight after Wick is oozing out uncontrollably and all she can do is watch as her feelings spill everywhere for everyone to see. Including Anya. 

All she wants to do is kiss her and find out where they stand, or worse yet, ask. 

"You're also cute when you come." Anya suppresses a grin and manages to look smug. 

There's something in the way she says it, maybe it's the slightly suggestive arch of her eyebrows as she says it, or the way her voice drops, or the way her hand slides down to curve around Raven's hip. But Raven laughs out loud and curls in towards Anya, pressing her face to the pillow and leaning into her embrace, both embarrassed and incredibly happy. 

Anya pulls her closer and Raven can feel the tiniest moment of hesitation before Anya presses a kiss to her temple. Her heart bursts with it because she doesn't need to ask, but she wants the confirmation. Lifting her head she doesn't scoot back and her nose brushes Anya's. 

They stay there like that, breathing each other in, and just existing. It's Anya who leans in first. 

Her lips brush Raven's as she whispers, "Does this mean you're staying?"

"You still making chocolate chip waffles?" Raven finishes her question with a chaste kiss and she isn't sure whose heart is beating harder. Or which one of them is trying harder to play this safe. 

"I see how it is." Anya tightens her arms around Raven's waist and rolls onto her back taking Raven with her, hands falling down her back, over the curve of her ass, and resting on her thighs. “Just using me for sex and food.”

Raven separates from Anya wanting to make sure she's understood before she gives in to Anya's gentle touches. She never thought Anya could be so soft as she pushes her shoulders back onto the bed - Anya trying to chase a kiss. "I'm right where I want to be." Raven tries to explain how her heart is bursting with feeling at being like this with Anya after last night with those simple words. 

And when Anya tugs her down gently to a kiss softer than silk Raven hopes she gets it. The kiss is gentle and chaste, lips parting softly. Anya breaks the kiss and pulls Raven against her chest. 

"Good. Now that we've got that sorted. Go the fuck back to sleep. It's too goddamn early to do anything yet."

#  **____________________**

 

It’s been twenty-seven hours since Raven left Anya’s apartment, not that she’s counting.

She definitely isn’t counting because Anya hasn’t brought it up once since the post-sex bubble of protection burst when she said goodbye yesterday morning. There’s not even been an indication that anything might be different between them. Anya is her typical self: distanced and sarcastic but randomly affectionate when no one else is within earshot.

They’re working on the final touches the the piece of functional art that Raven is going to wear at Clarke’s art show this weekend. Five days and counting. The prosthetic is 3D printed to look like steel carved lace filigree, the socket itself overlaid with paint and a continuation of the lace design. It tapers to a near fine point with small platform at the end that would allow for more stability than an actual tip.

Raven sits down on the couch that’s part of the meeting area in Anya’s workshop. This is where most of the prototype designing happens. Usually it’s bustling with activity, but right now it’s just the two of them. She slips off her prosthesis and starts to put on the one for the art show.

“If the calculations we did were right it should be good to go, though I might need to practice in it because it isn’t a typical base.” Raven says, only half to herself. Normally they’re talking constantly but today there’s an awkward silence between them that she’s trying to break.

“It looks good on you. I should have my assistant fetch your dress, that way we could see the whole package.”

“What and spoil the reveal at the Clarke’s show next weekend?” She winks at Anya and eases herself to standing.

Raven presses her weight into the socket a dozen times to remove any air and finish the seal that holds the leg in place. She takes a few tentative steps, wondering if she should ask Anya to stay with her just in case. The floor is polished concrete, and she knows from experience how much an unexpected fall hurts.

She’s nearly halfway across the expanse of the room when she realizes Anya’s been right beside her the entire time. Anya isn’t reaching out, not steadying her when she doesn’t need it, but there, ready to catch her if she falls.

“Spin me.”

“What?” Anya sqwaks not knowing why she asks as she knows what Raven means but she’s been trying not to be too close to Raven, it’s too much. They’re friends first and that’s what matters. She has to keep telling herself that it’s enough, that at least they had that one night.

“Spin me.”

Anya steps up to Raven and offers up her hands, she takes Raven’s right in her left and then wraps her right hand around to cup just below her shoulder blade. They’re closer than they’ve been all day and she wonders how long it will take for the ache to go away. The one that makes her want to pull Raven closer until their flush against each other, that makes her want to kiss Raven until they both lose track of time. She keeps her distance because Raven hasn’t brought up the night before last yet and she’s afraid to find out why.

They start dancing to the music inside their heads, doled out in heartbeats and stolen glances.

Anya leads Raven a few steps, hesitant and uncertain across the floor. She realizes too late she could simply have twirled Raven and retreated to a safe distance, one where she wasn’t close enough to smell Raven’s perfume. It’s cinnamon and pepper and something earthy and Anya finds herself drifting closer to Raven just breathe her in. Her head spins with it and memories of that scent enveloping her as they had sex.

She starts to lift their hands, “Ready to fly, little bird?” Her voice is shakier than she’d like to admit. Her knees go weak when Raven smiles at her. That smile lights up her face, warm sunlight on a fall day, sparkling as it trickles through multicolored leaves leaving Anya dazzled.

Anya spins Raven slowly, their hands sliding together, pressed tight. Raven steps carefully but with certainty. She’s radiant, laughing and it kills Anya a little when Raven is facing her again, brown eyes practically glowing with flecks of copper. She focuses on way Raven comes back to her, closer than before, close enough all it would take was a breath and they could be…

She leans her cheek against Raven’s, lips to her ear. “We didn’t do too bad together…”

Raven shifts as they continue to dance so they’re impossibly closer. “We do make a pretty good team.”

It’s almost too much for Raven, being close enough to feel Anya’s heartbeat and knowing that the night they had is all they’ll ever have. They’re friends and any chance they had at more seems to be long gone.

#  **____________________**

 

Lexa is draped across Anya’s couch, a glass of wine precariously dangling from her fingertips like some beautifully tragic girl. The golden light from the setting sun only adds to the dramatics of it which Anya thinks perhaps suits Lexa quite well. 

“Is something going on between you and Raven? You two were closer than normal at dinner.” Lexa gestures her wine glass at Anya and narrows her eyes, scrutinizing her. Anya’s used to the look and doesn’t blink. “Don’t break her heart.”

Anya arches an eyebrow at her baby sister as if she has no idea who Lexa could be talking about, but the moment the words left Lexa’s mouth the image of Raven, soft and sleepy next to her in the early morning light flashed before her eyes. It’s her, everything is her.

“I know you,” Lexa hits mute on the TV and shifts to fix Anya with the full force of her gaze.

Anya refuses to squirm under the intense scrutinization.

“You may not want a relationship but Raven looks at you like you hung the moon.”

“We’re just friends.”

“Didn’t stop you from fucking her– don’t deny it– and she’s our friend, you know she wants a relationship, someone she can take home at Christmas.”

Anya’s voice is soft when she replies. Lexa is right, Raven wants all of that and more, which is more than Anya’s ever given anyone. “Did you ever consider that she might be the one to break my heart?” She’s loathe to admit it but Raven has cracked her careful casing wide open. She can barely breathe for wanting her, can barely sleep for seeing her in her dreams. Anya has loved people, far and few between, but she has loved, she  _ does _ love, but she’s never be  _ in _ love.

All of her is very glad this never happened when she was  a hormonal teenager strung out on a high sex drive she couldn’t control and didn’t understand. She never had to deal with the messiness of relationships when she barely understood her own desires. Now though she feels ill-equipped to be anything to Raven. How could she be her girlfriend if she doesn’t have the slightest bit of experience with what it means to be someone’s girlfriend? How could she possibly be worthy?

She’s never really wanted something like this to work out.

Anya looks up again to find the expression on her sister’s face to have softened. Lexa is looking at her with a delicate wonder. She isn’t ready for this, not for the conversation that is about to follow or to acknowledge how she feels.

“When did you change your mind?”

“It just happened. I don’t know how. I just looked up at her one day and she was there and  _ Raven _ .” Anya shakes her head. “It will never work.”

“It won’t if you don't try.” Lexa scoots closer and reaches for Anya’s hand. “I want to see you happy, whatever that means for you– and until recently being single suited you well.”

“She deserves more than I have to offer, but I can’t get her out of my mind.”

Anya’s lost track of how many times she’s replayed the night they shared together. It’s only been a few days and she can’t stop thinking about the softness of Raven’s lips or the way she was strong and solid hover over Anya as Anya fucked her slowly. They had come together more than once that night, slow, tender caresses chasing them over that edge again and again. It was nothing like the countless nights she had spent with her lovers over the years. Maybe not better, but different, new, something she will miss, knowing that it will only get better the more time they spend together.

Lexa’s voice is soft when she speaks again, just above a whisper, “Have you thought, that maybe, you’re what she wants, the one that she wants?”

No, actually. Anya chews on the inside of her cheek and stares out the window. That Raven wanted her in that way wasn’t actually something she’d considered.

#  **____________________**

 

Raven glances over at Octavia as they run, it’s been miles of silence, which isn’t unusual, but she’s had questions burning on her tongue for days and now, in the middle of nowhere seems like as good a place as any to give in before it eats her alive.

She takes a drink of water and squirts some at Octavia to get her attention.

“Hey!” Octavia swipes at the side of her face.

“Now that I have your attention, can I ask you about how you and Clarke got together?” Raven pushes harder to pick up their pace. She just wants to run out the feeling of uncertainty overcoming her. She doesn’t want Octavia to know about her feelings for Anya, and maybe not even that they slept together, since she and Anya aren’t even talking about it, but she isn’t sure she can avoid it.

“You know the story. I asked if I could kiss her, a few days later she kissed me after that we were dating.” Octavia shrugs. “Why?”

“Just like that, you kissed it went well, so you got together?”

“Yeah.”

This conversation isn’t exactly as enlightening as she’d hoped for. Raven doesn’t have the same luck for stumbling forward blindly and having the world work out that Octavia does. Especially not when it comes to relationships. She needs a plan, and someone she knows is in it for the long term. Anya’s never been that person, for anyone. Raven could never ask her to be something she isn’t.

She signals for a break and they make their way down to the bank of the river to cool down and rest for a few minutes before starting the run back to the car. The river is low enough there’s more than enough rocks exposed to sit on and feel the spray from the rapids which make the air noticeably cooler than it is twenty feet away on the trail. Octavia drops into a lunge and Raven follows suit pushing into the stretch and looping back to the conversation. 

She still hasn’t figured out what to do about Anya.

“How do you even broach that with your best friend?” Raven stretches her arms behind her, not really looking at Octavia or the river or anything, just trying to keep her thoughts from running away with her.

“You know, I think Clarke and Lexa might need to be informed if you want to kiss me.” Octavia laughs.

Raven reaches over and shoves Octavia. “Not you.”

Octavia brings a hand up over her heart, “I’m not your best friend, well I never.” She gasps dramatically and collapses onto her side as if in a faint. The charade only lasts a second though as she starts giggling at her own dramatics. 

Raven switches legs on her lunge and shakes her head in silent laughter.

“Listen, just because you’re not the friend I want to kiss right now-”

“So there is a friend that you  _ do _ want to kiss then?” Octavia sits up brushing herself off and commences stretching again.

Raven lays her head against her knee, “Maybe…I may have already kissed them.”

“Dude,” Octavia raises her hand for a high five which Raven reciprocates weakly. “You’re like halfway there, why so glum?”

“Because we kind of slept together and it’s been a week and we haven’t talked about it, and I think we’re pretending like it didn’t happen, and it’s not like we haven’t seen each other multiple times since.”

Raven sits down, crossing her good leg in front of her and leans forward over her outstretched leg. 

“Please tell me you didn’t sleep with my brother and that’s why you’re not telling me who it is.”

“Dude,” Raven twists to look up at Octavia. “After what you told me he did to Lexa? Not a chance.”

Raven switches legs and lays back down. The memory twists around her gut, the way she and Anya had allowed themselves to fall together for one night, given up on any pretext that their comfortable nature was anything less than being in love. The morning after is what had convinced her, sober, if a bit tired, Anya pulling her back down into bed, insisting that this is where they both wanted to be.

Then nothing.

She doesn’t know how to respond to nothing.

“Have you tried talking to them?” Octavia asks quietly, her voice nearly lost to the sound of the water rushing by.

“No.”

“Maybe you should start there.”

#  **____________________**

 

It’s nearly one in the morning but all the paintings for Clarke’s gallery are finally hung. Raven stretches her arms overhead trying to release the tension in the small of her back. Sixteen oversized canvases and a smattering of smaller ones. Raven just wants to lay out in bed and find a way to relax.

“Doing okay?” Anya steps up behind Raven her hands automatically moving to the spot where Raven’s been digging her knuckles into her low back for the past forty five minutes. 

Raven can’t stop the little moan that escapes her throat, she’s too tired too care at this point, even if things have been strange between them this past week. She lets her head fall back against Anya’s shoulder and closes her eyes.

“Your hands are magic.” Raven can feel the knots start to release under Anya’s touch. This isn’t new, the seemingly casual touch between them, but it still takes her by surprise each time it happens. Anya is nothing more than her friend, it’s that simple. This is just what they do.

“That’s what you said the other night, too,” Anya’s breath is hot against Raven’s neck, familiar and leaving her wanting more all at once because she can almost feel Anya’s lips on her skin. 

The memory of their night together makes her pull away. She shouldn’t have. Anya straightens up, receding into herself; Raven regrets her reaction because what if that was the moment they could have finally talked about the night they spent together. 

Octavia catches her eye for a moment, gaze shifting between Raven and Anya. Raven shakes her head. It’s too much. She needs to talk to Anya, but they can’t here. She’s afraid she’s already ruined her chance. Turning her head she’s realized Anya’s already moved away, preoccupying herself with some last bits of cleanup. Octavia looks expectantly between Anya and Raven again, the message is clear,  _ go talk to her _ .

Neither of them were ever big on subtle. It’s no surprise it took Octavia all of five seconds to figure them out.

If she could go back in time she could have replied to Anya’s comment right away and maybe they’d be on their way to having a real conversation instead of ignoring the topic altogether. Anything she says now seems like it’s maybe too little too late. She’s hesitated and in that maybe there’s her answer, that no matter what she feels, she isn’t ready for it.

Fuck being ready.

Raven steps up behind Anya mirroring her earlier actions, running her hand across Anya’s low back. She feels Anya go stiff under her hand and she tries not to think about how much the fear stabs like a knife through her heart.

“Take me home.” The words are out before she can stop them. It’s not a question or even a command. She feels like she’s handed Anya her heart and she’s waiting to see what she’ll do with it her tone of voice making it clear what she means, even if she can’t find the words to explain why.

Anya turns slowly, her throat tight and raw with trying to find a way to speak, to tell Raven what she wants, that if they do this again, they’re doing this. There’s no turning back if they go down that road. One time she thought she could let herself have Raven once and maybe it would get out of her system, they could go back to just being friends because she doesn’t know how to be someone’s girlfriend. 

They need to talk, but that is the last thing Anya wants their mouths to be doing right now.

It’s late and goodbyes are quick, somehow though the drive drags on in silence. Any conversation would start them down a road that might end this before it starts. Their hands are clasped over the gear shift, all at once tentative and vulgar. They’re sober, they know where this is going, this isn’t them deciding drunkenly that their friendship could survive another night together in bed.

It’s easier to keep touching than to open their mouths to talk. In the elevator Anya presses Raven up against the wall with her hips. Her hands trail over Raven’s sides, sliding up under the edge of her shirt, run down her arms, hands twined for a moment. She traces her jaw with fingertips, all the while foreheads pressed together, breath mingling but neither moves to close that last inch.

Raven’s hands aren’t still either, and Anya feels the heat of desire in their wake. They’ve barely even begun and her head is fuzzy with need. The need for fewer clothes, and a flat surface, anyone will do, the floor, the couch, the bed, pressed up against one of her floor to ceiling windows... Her skin tingles and the only sound in her ears is that of Raven’s breathing becoming more pronounced with each passing moment.

The elevator door opens and Anya turns them, walking them into the hallway, pressed together, she can’t get herself to back up even for a moment as she fumbles with her key in the lock behind Raven’s back. They tumble through the door as it opens, Anya catching Raven so she doesn’t fall, only to have her back slammed against the door.

She expects a kiss but it doesn’t come. Raven’s hands are on her hips, fingers digging into flesh, pushing her away even as she can feel Raven pulling herself closer. Her eyes are closed, forehead pressed to Anya’s, head tilted, her trembling lips feather light as, she holds herself back, barely able to breathe, gasping for breath as she tries to hold back tears.

The kiss is just there between them but they’re both too terrified to take it. Frozen instead in thick fog of heart rending desire.

Anya reaches up to cradle Raven’s face to find it damp. “Those better be good tears,” she whispers, her lips brushing against Raven’s.

“I just…” Raven chokes out the words. Her heart in her throat, everything she’s never been able to say. “I want  _ you _ , Anya.”

Anya starts to walk them backward, toeing off her shoes as she does. She drops her sweater and pushes Raven’s flannel off her shoulders. Still, they don’t kiss. If they don’t soon need is going to devour them.

She can’t pretend that this is another one of her lovers, that she could wake up in the morning and never talk to Raven again and be fine. Her heart is pounding out a rhythm that spells out Raven’s name, and only hers. “Feeling’s mutual. I want, fuck it, I lo-” 

Raven’s mouth stops the words short. “Take me to bed.” She pulls back, looking at Anya wide-eyed and full of fear. “We’ll talk about what this is in the morning.”

“Morning is good,” Anya nods frantically. “This isn’t just-”

“-I know.”

They kiss. Finally actually kiss. Raven is walking them backwards through the living room and past the couch, her hands are on Anya’s hips, Anya’s hands on her shoulders. They don’t stop kissing until the back of Raven’s knees hit the bed. Each kiss is soft and slow, gently exploring.

Raven starts to lean back but Anya stops her.

“Clothes off first,” she whispers and pulls her tank top over her head.

Raven sucks in a breath and bites her lip. They’ve seen each other naked, they fucked… and recently, but this is different. She smoothes her hand over the small curve of Anya’s stomach, hands wrapping around Anya’s ribcage, fingers teasing underneath the band of her bra as she tugs at it, silently asking if she can take it off.

Anya nods and kisses the spot beneath her left eye.

Raven drops the bra to the ground and grabs the edge of her shirt, taking it off, she unclasps her bra. Clothes pile around their feet. Anya slips out of her jeans but leaves on her underwear. Raven slips off her shorts.

She sits down on the edge of the bed and cringes internally because now comes the moment where the magic of undresses gets broken. Undoing the seal on her prosthetic she slips it off and leans it gently on the floor, muttering something about how unsexy this moment always is.

Anya drops to her knees in front of Raven, hands coming to rest over Raven’s, stilling them. Raven trembles at the touch. Wick would always shy away from her leg, the people she bedded before that were either far too fascinated or disinterested. She had almost forgotten what it was to have someone look at her like she was whole and worthy. The look in Anya’s eyes seems to suggest that Anya herself isn’t sure she’s worthy of Raven.

“Can I?” Anya asks indicating the sock.

Raven nods, words sticking in her throat.

She watches Anya, attentive and gentle, roll the sock down and turn it inside out like she’s seen Raven do a hundred times. Setting the piece aside Anya reaches back, massaging the flesh that has been crammed into the socket all day, compressed and strained. Raven can’t stop the tears, or the shaky way her breath catches in her throat. It’s been too long since someone touched her with this much kindness. It doesn’t help that the massage feels amazing.

“Good tears?” Anya’s hands still on her thigh.

“Yeah,” Raven nods and wipes at her face.

Anya pushes up onto her knees and catches her up in a kiss, opened mouth and tongue, but so desperately soft. “Lay down.” She says, nudging Raven toward the center of the bed.

Raven crawls backward on the bed slowly and Anya’s hands trail down her sides, catching the band of her underwear as Raven moves away from her, effectively stripping her. As her head hits the pillows Anya shimmies out of her underwear and crawls across the bed.

Anya is a goddess hovering above her, tan skin and golden hair. She pauses to grab a hair tie from the bedside table and twist her hair up out of the way before leaning down to kiss her way up Raven’s stomach, across her sternum, collarbone, neck until she’s whispering in Raven’s ear.

“You’re stunning, little bird.” Anya brushes her nose against Raven’s cheek and presses a kiss there. It’s only then that Raven notices the tears in Anya’s eyes.

“Not half as much as you,” Raven whispers. She runs her hands along Anya’s sides and tugs her down gently.

Their bodies meld together, fitting like puzzle pieces long estranged, a little warped and worse for wear but clearly made to fit this way. They roll together, bodies searching out contact. Hands roam and kisses become oxygen. Touches are slow exploration, gentler with each passing moment, holding a reverence neither woman knew they held in them. 

Anya kisses down Raven’s neck, feeling every inch of her skin with her lips. Her fingers are explorers mapping out uncharted territory. This feels more like the first time than their first time did. They’ve come to this with truth on their tongues and their hearts in their hands. Anya intends to honor every moment of this.

The swell of Raven’s breast is an unconquered hill that her fingertips dance up, twirling around the pebbled nipple peak. She presses lazy opened mouthed kisses in the valley just above Raven’s heart, lips and tongue gently memorizing the terrain.

Her journey to Raven’s navel takes significantly longer.

By the time Anya’s lips ghost across Raven’s hip bones Raven has forgotten anything that exists beyond the pleasure burning across her skin and the growing ache between her thighs. She squirms under ever touch even as Anya holds her down gently, simultaneously wanting this to go on forever and needing to feel release.

Each press of Anya’s lips flutters and twists straight into her core. She’s winding tighter, dangerously close to that edge before Anya has even begun to touch her where’s she’s desperate to be touched. Anya teases her, breath brushing across her sex, but she settles in kissing along Raven’s inner thighs. 

Anya sets her teeth gently around the unscarred flesh of Raven’s inner thigh of her residual limb. Raven’s hips buck involuntarily. Anya’s tongue traces over scars, lips praising skin. Raven looks up to the ceiling blinking back tears. She feels whole under Anya’s touch.

Her entire body shudders as Anya kisses her sex gently, tongue gently parting her folds, lips encircling her clit. She shuts her eyes letting the pleasure of it overwhelm her, the pressure twisting and building low in her abdomen.

Anya slides her arms around Raven’s thighs and pulls Raven closer as she begins to push Raven closer to that edge, her tongue firm and quick as she massages it across her clit. And then she’s spilling, falling, back bowing, legs spasming. Stars burst white hot behind her eyelids and she shudders with each lap of Anya’s tongue.

She sucks in a breath across a raw throat not remembering having cried out, but the way she feels says otherwise. Raven grins and bites her lip, her hand covering her face, eyes still closed. Her body feels light and floaty. She only notices Anya slowly pull away from her when she notices a lack of warmth between her legs.

A moment later a warm body settles down against her side. A hand moves her own from her face and she feels fingers brush away tears that still cling to her lashes. Anya presses a soft kiss to her lips, and Raven can’t help but kiss her back open mouthed, tongue darting out to clean up the mess she made on Anya’s face. 

They curl up together, still moving slowly together, unable to stop and even if they had been they wouldn’t want to. For a few moments at least Raven feels certain, like this is real and they have a chance. As she pushes Anya onto her back she tries to push away the voice in the back of her mind that tells her it won’t. They still haven’t talked, but she’s wondering what more they could actually say.

#  **____________________**

 

This is the second morning Raven has woken up in Anya's bed, naked and wrapped up on her best friend's arms. The idea that she will fuck this up terrifies her, and she is fairly certain she will do just that. Anymore, all her relationships, romantic or not, seem to be crumbling in her hands. She runs her fingertips along Anya's forearm wondering how to extricate herself without waking the other woman up.

Anya is soft in ways Raven had never let herself think about. All her strength and pride, that mask she held in place, that only just started to melt in private moments in front of Lexa or Raven, that mask transformed completely. Anya trembled with a protective strength as she loved, holding onto Raven like she would keep the world at bay if it meant one more smile, one more gentle kiss. All that fierceness wrapped around them both like a shield and Raven was certain she had never been this close to anyone. Anya was raw and bare and fragile before her and it was all she could do to pull that gift into her as they came together again and again throughout the night.

Her body aches.

She knows when Anya wakes there will be light touches, kisses, slowly melding into more... and she can't, she needs rest, and food, and a moment to wrap her head around the truth she saw in Anya's eyes last night. Even though they didn’t talk they said everything.

Four letter words she isn't ready for even as she’s tumbling towards them uncontrollably. She needs to hear it all out loud.

Raven rolls onto her side, eyes roaming over Anya's face in the early morning light. She's soft in sleep, the tension gone, a soft curl at the corner of her mouth. Raven knows she's watching something few have been privileged to witness. Anya keeps nearly everyone at arm's’ length, but not her.

She traces her fingers over Anya's bare shoulder and the reddish bruise above her collarbone Raven left there the night before. She could stay here forever but her stomach is gurgling and her eyes are aching as she tries to keep them open, and they have brunch with Lexa, and Clarke, and Octavia, and Lincoln, and Niylah in a couple of hours and they still have to talk about what this is between them. Is it just sex? Mind blowing, phenomenal, passionate, sex. Or are they more. There’s no denying that their friendship is muddied with their desire for each other. 

Raven knows that Anya isn't like this with the others that she sleeps with, that she's stated in no uncertain terms that she wants Raven in her bed and in her arms when she wakes up. Still, Raven can't help but doubt that Anya is serious, that she truly wants Raven by her side in public.

She pushes the doubt down and lifts Anya's arm off her stomach before rolling out of bed and onto the floor. Grabbing a shirt she slides it on, finds her underwear, and pulls that on too before using the dresser to push herself up to standing. If this is going to keep happening she needs to get a set of crutches to keep at Anya's.

Between the walls and end tables she makes her way to the living room where she grabs the crutch she keeps stashed in the closet. Her arms are aching by the time she stops, coffee percolating and water boiling for tea, nub propped on the counter for balance.

It's rare she'll do this with anyone else around, let them see her move around without the prosthetic, let them see her like this. Especially after Wick. It's a level of weakness for her she doesn't know if she's ready to expose, a level of trust she's hesitant to give anyone. But then she feels thin strong arms wrap around her waist and a lithe body press against her back and she feels ease instead of panic.

"You're wearing my shirt," Anya murmurs against Raven's neck, breathing in her scent, noticing how they smell like each other and sex, and it's a heady combination. She tightens her arms around Raven.

"Do you want me to take it off?" Raven laughs.

Anya shakes her head and presses her face to the crook of Raven's neck.

"Wake me up before you get out of bed next time."

"Even if I'm getting up to surprise you with coffee in bed?"

Anya nods, but doesn't answer out loud. Not wanting to admit the insecurity or how the empty bed sent her heart into a thudding panic.

Raven turns as much as she can, nudging her nose against Anya's cheek until she lifts her head. She presses a kiss to her cheek, the corner of her mouth, her lips, each soft but firm and poignant. Raven can feel the tremor in Anya's still sleepy body.

"I'm here," Raven whispers before kissing her again.

"Good," Anya mutters, slipping the mask back on.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Anya’s only response is to press her face to the back of Raven’s neck.

It's a baby step for both of them. Or maybe it's a giant step. Raven with her leg propped on the counter, Anya with the desperate need in the way she clings to her. They still have to talk about if this is something they want to tell the others about, but that can wait for coffee, and a shower, and fresh clothes.

#  **____________________**

 

Anya curls into Raven, her knees against the back of the couch, her head in Raven’s lap, face nuzzling her stomach. Anya’s fingers are brushing lightly, idly, up and down Raven’s arm. Raven’s fingers do the same on her shoulder. They’ve recessed into post-coital bliss even after breakfast and a shower unable to move beyond the comfort of each other’s arms.

They’ve been like this on the couch for the past half hour, just breathing each other in, enjoying the intimacy. The only other person Anya really has fond memories of snuggling with on the couch is Lexa, but that was different. This is so very different from anything she’s ever had in her life. She presses a kiss to Raven’s stomach, smiling as she feels Raven laugh. She hides her face against the same spot.

“Raven?” Anya turns her head so she can just see Raven’s face out of the corner of her eye. She would rather just stay here, quietly not talking, just being, but they promised each other they would talk in the morning about the feelings burning them up from the inside. Morning is nearly over with, the sun already high in the sky.

Raven hums and scratches absentmindedly at Anya’s scalp.

“About what we didn’t talk about last night… we should.”

There’s a pause, Raven’s caresses stop just for a moment. Anya can feel the tension thrum through her for a hot second but then she’s moving again, nudging Anya into a sitting position so they’re facing each other on the couch. Their legs tangle over the edge and Anya tugs Raven just a little closer. Hands rest on forearms, fingertips dancing against soft skin.

“Are we really doing this? You and me?” Raven’s gaze is somewhere in their laps. Hope is caught in her throat and she can’t look up, delaying the potential inevitable mess that is Anya’s rejection.

Anya’s voice is unsteady, “Is that what you want?” Her heart thuds in her chest.

Raven looks up, ten kinds of trepidation on her face, she’s afraid still, even still, that they aren’t beside each other tumbling down the same path. She tenses to stand and makes herself stay still. If she leaves the answer will always be no. Instead she takes a deep breath.

“It’s all I want.”

Anya’s heart beats painfully against her sternum. They’ve been on this edge for so long both too afraid to take the plunge or even acknowledge the drop just a step away. Tears spring to her eyes and she doesn’t know if she wants to hug Raven, or cry, or kiss her more. She presses forward, hovering over Raven until they’re horizontal. She stares into warm brown eyes with her soul bare and knows she can see Raven’s in return. Her arms tremble with the effort to hold herself above Raven.

“Me, too.”

“Happy tears?” Raven whispers as she reaches up to brush them off Anya’s cheeks.

Anya laughs and sniffles and lowers herself down onto Raven to curl up on her chest.

“And don’t you fucking tell anyone.”

“I saw nothing.” Raven kisses Anya’s forehead. “We have to get up though, or else we’re going to be late.”

“We can be late then,” Anya says between kisses to Raven’s neck.

“After the way we left last night… if we show up late together everyone will know.” Raven’s heart flutters but she needs to know where they stand on this.

Anya shifts so she can look down at Raven. She kisses her once, gently. “As far as I’m concerned they can know, think whatever they want. All that matters to me is what you think.”

Raven tangles her fingers in Anya’s hair, almost pulling her down into a kiss. “I think I don’t mind either.”

#  **____________________**

 

They’re only fifteen minutes late as they stroll up to the cafe. Raven has a bright fresh hickey on her neck that she didn’t have time to cover up and it’s too hot for a scarf. She rubs her palm across her neck like she can somehow rub away the bruise. 

Anya brushes her nose against the small bit of skin behind Raven’s ear, her lips against the shell of it. “You’re just going to make it worse.” She sets her teeth lightly against Raven’s ear. “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts.”

Raven leans into Anya, “Not a chance, you’re stuck with me now. I just wasn’t expecting to broadcast our new situation quite so loudly so quickly.” She kisses her gently, softly, but enough that they nearly have to stop walking to kiss. “I’m still processing it myself.”

They slow their approach, not quite ready to pull apart, blissfully happy for just a moment as they allow themselves to just exist. No one right then can look at them and put expectations on them. Anya doesn’t have to be the woman who has turned down countless proposals for a steady relationship. Raven doesn’t have to be the one desperate to be loved again. They are though, and they are also together, relishing in the freedom to express their feelings.

A bell rings as a door opens. “Are you two going to come inside or are you just going to make out on the sidewalk?” Lexa pokes her head out of the cafe door. “They’ve just got our table ready.”

Anya rolls her eyes at her sister even though her heart is pounding. This is real. Raven squeezes her hand. “I would hardly call that making out.”

Lexa pushes the door open further and steps aside for Raven and Anya to walk inside. “What  _ would _ you call it then?”

“A snog?” Raven suggests.

“Not messy enough,” Anya taps her chin in thought. “Maybe a pash.”

“It was definitely more than a simple kiss.” Raven agrees.

“We lack a good word for that kiss that’s in between a basic kiss and making out in American English.” Anya laments.

“Who was kissing?” Octavia asks as she and Clarke move over to the trio before they start to follow the hostess to their table.

“Not that it’s anyone’s business, but Raven and I were kissing.” Anya keeps her eyes fixed on where they’re going, not sure if she’s ready to see her friends’ reactions to the news. Lexa had been unsurprised, but then again, she had known before Anya herself had really known.

“Oh good, you two figured things out.” Octavia nudges Raven in the back. “I still can’t believe you wouldn’t admit it was Anya.”

Raven turns  and sticks her tongue out, “You asked if it was Bellamy!”

“Yeah, because you were being stubborn!”

They settle in around the table. “At least now they can get past the constant heart eyes stage,” Clarke teases.

Lexa sets her chin in her hand, her elbow propped on the table and blinks lovingly at Clarke and Octavia. “Does that stage ever really end?”

#  **____________________**

 

Raven can feel Anya just next to her, not quite touching, just close enough that there’s a line of heat between them as if the friction from electrons jumping from one atom to another is warming the air around them. It’s a gentle hum of energy. Twenty-four hours ago they were standing in this spot spiraling around each other in an endless dance unable to close that distance. But they were spiraling towards a singularity, a fixed point in space and time, as if nothing they could do would change what they meant to each other.

At first it’s just the barest of touches. Just the corner of the middle knuckle of Anya’s pinky against hers. If Raven hadn’t been so fixated on the exchange of energy between them she wouldn’t have noticed the shift. If she had she would have thought it nothing more than a breath or an accident. But then it’s there again, the barest brush.

She’s forgotten about the painting in front of her, or their friends gathered around. Raven’s entire focus has shifted to the right side of her right hand. Nothing much else matters.

For two years nothing much else aside from the woman beside her has mattered. She just didn’t realize what that meant. That what if they had let themselves crash together that first day they met. This had always been there between them, this heated exchange of atoms, as if from the first day they were drawn to each other, their very essences familiar.

Raven feels the gentle brush of Anya’s pinky once again, this time wrapping around hers. It’s gentle and discreet and enough. They’ve fallen into each other’s orbit and there’s no pulling apart now. Raven flexes her pinky around Anya’s. Two years ago they would have burned each other up.

This though, this exchange warming the air between them, this is a slow gentle burn that heals them.

Raven turns to glance at Anya to find her watching her. Anya’s teeth tug at her bottom lip, her eyes bright, wide, and longing. It stirs a desire deep in the pit of her stomach, fluttery and new.

“I think you might be the definition of heart eyes right now, Woods.”

Anya tugs Raven a step closer with their linked pinkies. “Just because I’ve got the prettiest view in the room, little bird.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. Always has been.”


End file.
